At 24 years old, I think I’m ready to share my relationship wisdom with the world. After all, how hard can it be? If Carrie Bradshaw could do it, so can I. Relationships are soooooo easy to figure out. All right, that’s enough delusion for one article. Relationships can be damn hard. We all come with our baggage—some even bring multiple suitcases. This past year, I took a step back and committed to figuring out the types of relationships I wanted in my life. Along the way, I discovered the 5 Cs of any successful relationship: chemistry, compatibility, communication with comprehension, and care. Understanding the Five Cs can help you build healthy and fulfilling relationships.

You may be asking, ‘How did this theory come about?’ Like all the greats, it happened in the back of an Uber around 10:00 PM. My Uber driver’s love life came up during our casual conversation about life. He spoke about the woman he was seeing as if she had put the stars in the sky. They shared the type of chemistry where they spoke without words. Yet, they were not together. He was deeply attracted to her, and their banter kept him on his toes, so why not commit? Well, chemistry is not enough for a healthy relationship. Chemistry is great; it’s the first spark. It’s what gets you through the door and keeps you coming back, but it’s not enough to sustain interest or fulfillment. 

Compatibility creates moments of connection that intensify the initial spark, pulling you deeper into your investment in a person. What is compatibility? It’s the factor in relationships that is both constant and constantly evolving. We all have core values, including how we perceive family, politics, integrity, conflict, etc. These values are defined during our formative periods, and at their core, they remain consistent for most of our lives. As we navigate the world, their importance can fluctuate depending on the situation. People tend to connect over these values. They are often the topics of first, fourth, and even last dates. These values reveal how you may or may not fit with someone. 

The thing about compatibility is that it’s not just about agreeing on topics like lying or wanting kids. It encompasses various dynamics, including communication style, attachment style, love languages, and conflict resolution. How does the person you’re interested in communicate, show care, and resolve issues? Do their approaches make you feel seen and heard? Most people underestimate the importance of feeling seen and heard in their relationships. These feelings are directly connected to how successfully one communicates, treats, and resolves conflict with another person. If these dynamics don’t align, you may feel disconnected in the relationship and lack fulfillment.

When a relationship lacks something, it needs to be addressed. Here is where communication with comprehension comes in. To effectively address a disconnect, both parties must comprehend each other. Communication is meaningless without understanding. You will unlikely meet someone whose communication style, attachment style, conflict resolution style, and love language directly complement yours. More than one of these may not align, and that’s okay. You and your partner must come together to translate what doesn’t click. It is up to both parties to care enough to create a language you both understand. In this space, you rely on chemistry to foster an interest in understanding one another. You work as a team, using the areas where you are compatible to create common ground and, finally, communicate what hurts. 

At the center of all this is the final “C”: care. Care is what feeds the butterflies in your stomach. The consideration you show your partner—in any relationship—keeps them invested and willing to build. For any relationship to work, both people must care enough to put in the effort to communicate and truly understand one another. Care drives you to ask the questions that determine if you are compatible with someone. It pushes you to move beyond initial chemistry to build love.

Maybe relationships are simple, and keeping these five Cs in mind will help you with your current or future ones. No matter what, be kind to yourself and others. We are all living this life for the first time. Remember, relationships are simply the product of flawed beings coming together to create something beautiful.