This is how the daughter of rapper TI’s reacted to the scandal about her virginity
With a 'thumbs-up' and making it clear that her hymen is her business, Deyjah Harris agreed with people who described her father as "possessive" and "controlling."
It started the day after her 16th birthday. While Deyjah enjoyed her gifts, his father, the rapper T.I, left a note on her door: “Gynecologist. Morning. 9:30 ”
Had he been expecting this moment for years? Was it a kind of family rite, an old-fashioned tradition? Had he previously warned his daughter that from the age of 16 he would closely monitor the integrity of her hymen? And most importantly, did she agree?
They are both sitting at the gynecologist's office. Clifford - TI’s real name - and his daughter look at each other, the doctor has just asked them to sign documents where Deyjah approves to share very intimate information with his father.
"Is there anything you don't want me to know?" Clifford asked his daughter. “See, doctor? There is no problem. ”
"All I want you to know - adds the doctor - is that there are many other ways besides the sex for a woman's hymen breaking, such as riding a bicycle, riding a horse or just doing physical exercise."
“Look, doctor,” Clifford replies, “she doesn't ride a horse or a bike or play any sport. So check her hymen.”
She couldn’t imagine that this embarrassing visit to the gynecologist was going to become a family tradition, nor that two years later, by the time Deyjah had started college, the musician and singer would boast of her intact hymen under parental control in a radio program.
Internet users, The Teen Mum’s celebrity Kailyn Laowry, and even organizations such as Planned Parenthood or Advocates for Youth showed their disgust and stupefaction at the statements the rapper had made earlier this week in the podcast "Ladies Like Us."
A few hours after the program was broadcasted and due to the reactions in social media, the podcast hosts, Nazanin Mandi and Nadia Moham, had to take it down and even write an apology - later, Mandi deleted her Twitter account.
The icing on the debate was put by a user who threw a question as accurate as it was distressing:
What would have happened, he wrote, if Deyjah had had the hymen broken?
And even more ... how do we guide our children in their sexual awakening? How do we explain that they must have safe relationships without colonizing their bodies or their wills? Without causing trauma or, as has been clear in this story, without exercising a macho dominance that no medical professional should have ever allowed.
To all this, neither the rapper's manager nor the young woman's mother, singer MS Niko, have spoken out. Perhaps his silence is the only thing that won't break.
Although there is no formal law ruling on this issue in the country, and the College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists don't have any guidance on how to act in cases such as this one, there are ethical implications and it is considered an invasive practice.
In a survey conducted by Marie Claire with 288 gynecologists, 10% of them confessed that the parents or other relatives of the patients had asked them to check; and 34% said they did but hiding the results from the companions to avoid retaliation.
However, for Dr. Jaclyn Munoz, obstetrics & gynecology specialist in Philadelphia, providers, including OB/GYN’s, need to create a safe space for adolescents to explore topics of sexuality and puberty:
"This strengthens the provider-patient relationship, can reveal intimate information, and allows for meaningful discussion of concerns. In my experience, providers evaluate these sensitive issues alone with their patients, without their parents present. Reports from the history-taking and examinations (including the hymen) are kept confidential unless the provider believes the girl to be in danger."
Munoz also reminds that "examining the hymen is not an accurate or reliable test of previous history of sexual activity. For one, the hymen is not necessarily torn with sex. The rim may become jagged or reduced after vaginal intercourse, masturbation, tampons, surgical procedures, or trauma to the external genitalia. Clefts, notches, and bumps have been described in newborns, girls without sexual abuse, as well as women and adolescents who engage in sexual activity."
In other countries, "purity tests" are necessary even to enter the police force, as is the case in Indonesia; and in Afghanistan, for example, extramarital sex –whose erroneous proof is the two-finger test – is punishable even by death due to family dishonor.
Perhaps it is worth reflecting on this cultural paradox in our country, where oppression and colonization of women's bodies and their sexuality are still standing.