One of them, selective amnesia, is widespread among Republican officials in Washington, and its latest victim is attorney general Jeff Sessions. The poor man’s memory has more holes than 10 pounds of gruyere cheese, as was painfully obvious on Tuesday, when he testified at the Senate Intelligence Committee.

“I do not recall,” “I have no recollection,” “I don’t remember,” became Sessions’ mantra-like response to the senators’ questions, repeated at least 25 times during the two-hour meeting. It must have been a new record for evasiveness and deceit. 

As Sen. Kamala Harris (D-CA), whose relentless questioning made Sessions exclaim she was making him “nervous” pointed out: "Just on the first page of your three pages of written testimony, you wrote, 'nor do I recall,' 'do not have recollection,' 'do not remember it.'"

 Yes, it was that bad. My abuela in Cuba, who had a remedy for every malady, would have recommended him to urgently begin taking Fitina, a memory-improving tonic she swore by.

One thing the 70-year old Sessions –a nasty little man big on hatred and bigotry--never forgets is to do as much harm as possible to immigrant families.

 Actually, arresting and deporting immigrants has been the only thing the Trump administration has been effective at during its first five months in Washington, and the conveniently forgetful attorney general has been one of the main enforcers of its vicious immigration policies. So much so that immigration arrests have gone up almost 40%, and not precisely of the bad hombres the White House occupant is fond to mention. According to government reports, the largest increase has been of immigrants whose only “crime” is being undocumented.

Sorry abuela, but with Sessions and his ilk Fitina will not cut it. What these people desperately need is a gigantic dose of decency, compassion and solidarity. And that cannot be bought at the drug store.

The other epidemic, a dangerous and ridiculous outbreak of acute ass-kissing --or as my abuela would call it, guataquería—, is also attacking Trump’s acolytes. So far it has made mincemeat of the dignity and self-respect of cabinet members. The illness, not so strange in Washington political circles after all, transformed all those generals, CEO’s, and PhD’s into children fawning over their master, eager to please their “Dear Leader” (and keep their jobs) by heaping on the embattled and frustrated president the kind of praise that could make even Kim Jong-Un blush.

During their first meeting on Monday at the White House, one by one the cabinet members tried to outdo each other at extolling the saint-like virtues of the liar-in-chief, who all the while smiled benevolently. 

But it was White House chief of staff Reince Priebus, who for months has been teetering on the brink of unemployment, who despite the ferocious competition, took the prize as the most servile.

"On behalf of the entire senior staff around you, Mr. President, we thank you for the honor and the blessing that you’ve given us to serve your agenda and the American people and we’re continuing to work very hard every day to accomplish those goals," Priebus said.

Oh yes, what a blessing it is to serve the Dear Leader!

 Feel free to puke.