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The pundits of St. Patty's Day

Every holiday has its critics, but there’s something about St. Patty’s Day in America that really digs under the fingernails.

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Hey, North Americans! In case you didn't know, you’re not doing it right. You’re probably already too drunk to read this, or too busy peeing in front of a Panera Bread, or too overcome with crippling loneliness because your pub crawl tour bus left without you. But hey, that’s what the Irish forefathers would’ve wanted, right?

Every holiday has its critics, but there’s something about St. Patty’s Day in America that really digs under the fingernails. As a result, there’s no shortage of razor-edged commentary on everything from the holiday’s race politics to those stupid “Kiss me, I’m Irish” t-shirts. Here’s a few must-reads from the present and years past.

On last year’s Saint Patty’s in Philadelphia, J.N. Salters wrote a pitch-perfect piece for the Huffington Post about being white in Philadelphia on St. Patty’s day. She starts out with the usual imagery — hundreds of clover-clad white people parading and secreting liquids in the daylit streets of Center City. Then she flips the image on its head:

“If we are to go by recent Philadelphia policies and legislation -- many of which disproportionately target people of color (e.g., stop and frisk, 'zero tolerance' policies, curfew ordinances, voter ID laws) -- I am almost certain that had these been masses of drunken black teenagers and young adults decked in matching colors, they would have been deemed gang members, looters, flash mobsters, and subsequently stopped and frisked, beaten, and/or arrested...To most of America, more than one Black/Latino standing next to each other wearing the same color equals gang, threat, flash mob. Not drink specials, themed parties, and excused belligerence.”

Now for a bit from the Irish themselves. Here’s Luke McKinney writing for Cracked about “8 Insulting Ways People Act Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.” There are so many observational gems here, starting with this one on the sudden and contradictory outpouring of ‘Irish-ness’ come March 17:

“For a country so worked up about immigrants a lot of Americans are absolutely desperate to claim any other nationality...No one wants to be Irish on Economy Day or Finding A Job Day. Not even the Irish, which is why mass emigration has been our default crisis response since boats were invented. But come Drinking Day suddenly everyone's begorring their leprechauns and generally proving they're as Irish as a really good point guard.”

McKinney’s how-to list on “being a terrible fake-Irish person on St. Patrick’s Day” also rips on pretending to know a few words of Gaeilge, wearing kitschy t-shirts, and drinking green beer.

And lastly, for some good old-fashioned slash reporting on what a gimmicky money-grabbing industry St. Patty’s Day has become, check out Anna Orso from Billy Penn as she rides Philly’s infamous “Erin Express”:

“Now the Erin Express gets a lot of hate every year, and understandably so. It’s estimated that thousands of drunken fools parade around the city in green on two Saturdays before St. Patrick’s Day, often with no consideration of the people or the city around them. But on top that, the Erin Express really isn’t even a good time. The crowds are ungodly, the lines are out of control and people somehow associate a day-drinking binge ferried by school bus bestows them the right to act like complete morons.”

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